is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
