at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My vagina just recognized that song.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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