just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
