Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
