one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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