tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
All the doctor said was why
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
