That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
