so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
