I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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