the day after is always just damage control
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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