it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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