im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
