Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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