Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
