lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
