I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
