you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
