no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
