I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
