Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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