I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
