someone threw a dead crab at me
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
