This is not my ceiling
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize