at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
