you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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