Sponge bath it is.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
