Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
