Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
