Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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