where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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