respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
