last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
