doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
