If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
