My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
