So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
