I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
