I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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