is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
