I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
