shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
