There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
