Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize