do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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