sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
