My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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