The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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