I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
