Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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