gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize