just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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