Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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