Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize