I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
