dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
