the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
