I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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