I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
