Are we in a gay sports bar?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm like, not good at living.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize