I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
