Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
