WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize