I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
