oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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