her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
