I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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