My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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