You're so nebulous sometimes
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
3pm strippers are depressing
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
