I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
