I just gift wrapped bread.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
