Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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