we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize