Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
