you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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