the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You made out with two different species that night
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So vagazzling was a success
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
