my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
