This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize