My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
