What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Randomize
