You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
