I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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