he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
