after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
