Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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