she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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