i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
sex in a hospital.. check
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
